Worst Animated Movies (transcript)
This is the dialogue in the video, Worst Animated Movies. *'The Introduction' *''screen shows a scene from Foodfight!, in which Mr. Clipboard is intimidating the titular store’s manager, with words that read, "This video is a critique, which is considered "fair use" under section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976. If you enjoy these movies, please consider buying the DVDs to support the creators :)"'' *'PhantomStrider:' Ready to go! *'Boo:' Heheheh. *'PhantomStrider:' It’s time to look at the worst animated catastrophes to ever FOUL the big screen! While many of us grew up with a grand selection of emotionally moving, unforgettable animated movies, in the shadows of those movies were some... really LOUSY films. Ranging from the ridiculously lazy to the overly sappy, to the just plain bizarre! So let’s dive right into the Top 10 WORST Animated Movies of All Time. And as always, if you do like these cartoons, that’s great! I’m pretty biased and it’s great that you can enjoy something that I’m not able to, so take this list with a pinch of salt. Anyway, let’s do this countdown! #10... *'#10 — Delgo (2008)' *'#9 — Ratatoing (2007)' *'#8 — Tappy Toes (2011)' *'#7 — Tentacolino (AKA: In Search of the Titanic) (2004)' *'#6 — Eight Crazy Nights (2002)' *'PhantomStrider:' Long, long ago, in 2002, the EVIL Adam Sandler was raining terror down in our local theaters, with cinematic abominations that permanently SCARRED the reputation of Hollywood! But then suddenly, he stopped and thought: “Wait a minute”, he said, “I can destroy the cartoon industry too!” So off the EVIL Adam Sandler went, to create Eight Crazy Nights, the most terrible Christmas special ever created! His most EVIL abomination yet! Eight Crazy Nights is one of the most annoying, ear-piercing, offensively stupid animated movies to ever deface our local cinemas. Filled with with continual crap jokes, burp jokes, and toilet jokes; all while Adam Sandler squeals into your speakers at the top of his voice with his bizzare old man impression. *'Whitey:' I knew this young man years ago when his moral fiber was still intact. *'PhantomStrider:' It seems more like a... bizarre form of psychological torture than it does a... movie. Sandler is not charming in this film. *'Davey:' Or the Hanukkah monster will come and take a big crap on your bed. *'PhantomStrider:' He's not even relatable in any way! They've somehow managed to take all of Adam Sandler's characters' worst qualities and multiplied them by 10. Something like a 30-something adult making fun of an 8-year old's weight are considered “comic gold” for this movie. *'Davey:' Jelly jugs, next time you come on my court you'd better wear a bra, okay? (Kid cries and runs away) *'PhantomStrider:' (sarcastic laughter) It's funny because he's fat and he's a kid! The only way they could top this trainwreck is by singing. *''and Whitey sing'' *'PhantomStrider:' Oh, no! No no no no no, I’m done! I don’t think they could have made this movie more offensive if they’d renamed it Eight Crazy '''Cripples. It’s one of the most annoying animated disasters I’ve ever seen. Until we meet again, Sandler! #5... *#5 — Elf Bowling: The Movie (2007)' *'#4 — Doogal (AKA: The Magic Roundabout (US Version)) (2006)' *'#3 — A Car’s Life (2006)' *'PhantomStrider:' UUUUGH! Wow! Now, THIS is ugly CG! It’s just a 9-car-pileup of hideous!! I thought we had bad in ''Doogal, but clearly, we haven’t even scratched the surface on how bad zero-budget, 5-minute CG can be! Imagine Fast and the Furious. Now imagine they had one-millionth of the budget, hired a pot-smoking hobo to voice the lines, speared fecal-matter all over the camera lens, and no... That movie would STILL be better than A Car’s Life! So our hero is Sparky — our crap-colored, ugly, obnoxious hero — is off to the gas station, where he plays with a car named Diesel that turns out to be a bad influence on him. *'Diesel:' Life is short and cruel, Sparky. Who cares what the other cars think? *'PhantomStrider:' Can Sparky’s father stop him from doing something dangerous? Let’s hope not! Let’s hope these cars are all incinerated in a fiery car explosion! This movie was so BAD that it gave me a new appreciation for Disney’s abysmal Planes! At least the backgrounds didn’t make me nauseous. Then we get to the voices — these voices are just awful. *'Obnoxious Pink Car:' Flashing Lights, you were right! *'PhantomStrider:' For some reason, I immediately associated these voices with my childhood nightmares. Maybe that’s my own bias, but when your voice incites childhood trauma in adults, you probably shouldn’t be voice acting animated talking cars. When I think of all the young, aspiring 3D animators out there struggling to find work to see THIS; this chimpanzee pit of broken CG doodles! I think it’s-it’s just not right! If you find this DVD, I recommend you find a safe place to incinerate it. And the 2nd worst animated movie is... *'#2 — A Troll in Central Park (1994)' *'Narrator:' The director of An American Tail takes children of all ages... *'PhantomStrider:' Okay, stop right there! This is NOT for children of all ages! This monstrosity fits the “embryo to 1 category” very snugly, and even that’s pushing it! *''laughs as he flies up in the air'' *'PhantomStrider:' I hate this little troll! I somehow hated this movie even when I first saw when I was 7, freaking 7! And I still thought the Care Bears was cool! But Care Bears was masculine and cool compared to this monstrosity! Don’t get me wrong, I adore Don Bluth’s original movies. The Land Before Time has moments in it that still made me shed a tear 20 years after watching it. When Littlefoot’s mother died, that timeless speech afterwards from that dinosaur to Littlefoot... ugh, just timeless brilliance! *'Old Dinosaur:' I too would go in time little fella. Only in time. *'PhantomStrider:' Many are probably familiar with this one as the nastiest boil on Don Bluth’s career. How we went from emotionally moving, heartwrenching masterpieces to... something so nauseatingly sappy that it makes Care Bears look R-Rated. *''sings, while Strider shutters in disgust'' *'PhantomStrider:' This is the most sappy, sugar-coated, brainless animated movie I’ve ever seen. As NAUSEATING as it is, the animation’s at least clear and fairly well-drawn. But this... socially challenged troll just makes me cringe in his creepy interactions with these very young children! Some people probably know I like a bit of sappiness (Who Framed Roger Rabbit?). But this just makes NO attempt to challenge kids in any way. Kids would be more intellectually stimulated by staring at a brick wall! It’s generic, it’s just the most sickly, sappy, contrived piece of animation I’ve ever seen! (Strider imitating the Announcer) Troll in Central Park is terrible for children of all ages. Rated ‘S’ for Stupid. Before we get to #1, I’d like to give a couple of quick honorable mentions. *'Honorable Mention #1 — Little Panda Fighter (2008)' *'PhantomStrider:' Geebus! The CG on these just keeps getting worse! A terrible rip off of Kung Fu Panda, the animation stinks and the voice acting's very subpar. There's little else to say. *'Honorable Mention #2 — Drawn Together: The Movie (2010)' *'PhantomStrider:' This movie is bad! In fact, I consider this among the worst cartoons of all time. Not because I hate it, but simply because it's bad. This isn't just a 9-car pile-up, it's a citywide explosive disaster that took out anything within a 10-mile radius, destroying the careers of an entire team of writers and voice actors in its nightmarish wake! But I have talked about it before in my Worst Cartoons, so I left it off the list. *'Honorable Mention #3 — Norm of the North (2016)' *'PhantomStrider:' Norm has a tedious, meandering story and incredibly uninteresting characters. But it was another I just didn't find quite insultingly bad enough to be among the absolute worst. The problem was I was just bored watching this one on the whole way through. It didn't really offend me on a personal level though, so I left it off the list. *'Honorable Mention #4 — Nut Job (2014)' *'PhantomStrider:' I didn't forget it! I actually just found Nut Job refreshingly inoffensive. The CG isn't bad and the voice acting is okay and it seemed the writers were at least trying with the story, so I gave it a skip. *'Honorable Mention #5 — Hoodwinked Too! (2011)' *'PhantomStrider:' The CG is pretty subpar but I didn't really mind the story that much. The script and wordplay did feel weak as water, but I felt like the voice actors were trying their best to make something good out of this one. So it didn't quite make the list. *'Honorable Mention #6 — Chicken Little (2005)' *'PhantomStrider:' Personally, I think even the worst of animated Disney movies is better than these movies. I'll admit it, Chicken Little is looking pretty good compared to these! Anyway, here we go! And #1 worst animated movie is... *'#1 — Foodfight! (2012)' *''Clipboard intimidates the store manager while Strider looks at his screen in utter shock.'' *PhantomStrider: Welcome, to how to make the Worst Animated Movie of All Time! Here, we will demonstrate everything you should do to assure your audience is running and screaming from their seats in terror. **'#1:' Begin by making your backgrounds as blurry and block like as possible. Audience members should have no idea what they're actually meant to be looking at. **'#2:' If you're not moving the camera, there's clearly something wrong with you! Even in a still shot, make sure you're continually zooming the camera in and out! You should be constantly attempting to give your audience motion sickness. **'#3:' Make sure the green of your trees is that special puke color to make the audience envision the great metropolitan sewerage system when they're watching your cinematic trainwreck. **'#4:' Assure, the camera is jerky! And I mean REALLY jerky! It should give your audience the impression that their computer screen is broken. **'#5:' Make sure your characters look as dead-eyed and zombie-like as possible. Make sure their skin has that special plastic texture to it so the audience feels like they're staring at undead Barbie dolls. **'#6:' Congratulations! You now have your walking abominations! Now, assure they regularly mug to the camera in order to terrify your audience. If your audience is not crapping their pants, they continue to practice. **'#7:' Have at least one of your characters litterally be the color of crap. This will assure your audience has most definitely thrown up before the 15 minute mark. **'#8:' All movements should be unnatural, highly disturbing, and make your audience envision the dancing demons of hell. **'#9:' There should be at least 200 advertising references in your movie. This will make your audience feel cheap, degraded, and manipulated. **'#10:' Have twisted, bizzare morals and strange bestality undertones in your characters. This will assure the 2 remaining audience members who haven't run out of the theater feel tormented and horrified. *''characters sing while Strider holds his head in complete horror, to the point where he runs out of the room screaming.'' *'PhantomStrider:' Congratulations! Your ungodly abomination of mankind is now ready to be unleashed upon the world! Nostalgia Critic was right; JonTron was right! Why didn’t I listen to them! This makes Chicken Little look like the Mona Lisa! The jokes are terrible, the lines make no sense, the graphics are a heinous catastrophe, the lip-syncing doesn’t even try to match what they’re saying, and the lines they spout wouldn’t pass in a German porno! Foodfight! is the worst animated movie I’ve EVER had the misfortune of watching! *'The Conclusion' *'PhantomStrider:' But you know what the strange part is, apart of some expectations like... THAT (Foodfight!), animated movies are one of the best guarantees of a good movie experience nowadays. I personally think animated movies are actually one of the leaders in quality cinema nowadays. So really, I had to look very hard to find these, because there’s just too many good animated movies out there now. There are too many masterpieces to even notice the occasional bad ones. Do you think I’ve missed a couple of movies? If you think so, feel free to let me know in the comments. And, as always, thanks for watching and I’ll see you next time! Category:Transcripts